The Space Between You and I

Chapter 2

Heart pounding, Noelle quickly put on her red coat and exited the church in search of Henry. She knew that man better than she knew herself. He had to be hurting after a rejection like that by his fellow congregates. He wasn’t the type of person to speak up publicly, so when he did, he had to have been moved with a deep sense of rightness to what he was doing. He had put himself out there and was shot down and rejected.

Noelle walked out the front doors of the church and into the chilly night air. Light snow was falling, and she spotted him beneath a street lamp in the parking lot. He was opening his car door.

“Henry!” Her voice strained as she called out.

He stopped at the sound of her voice and turned. Her heart fluttered and she made her way down the church steps and out through the parking lot over to him.

“What is it, Noelle?” His words came soft and gently as she arrived at his car.

“Are you okay?”

His eyes fixed on the church building behind her. “They don’t take me seriously.” He then shifted his gaze toward Noelle. His golden-brown eyes pierced right through her, touching the very fabric of her

soul. “I might be young, Noelle, but I know what I’m talking about. It’s not right what he is doing.”

She reached out and touched his arm lightly. She hoped it would help calm him down. “I don’t think it was about your age, Henry. It’s just this church’s passion to help those people who are less fortunate. It’s a good thing.”

“A good thing. Handouts to keep people from bettering themselves. People keep saying that is a good thing but . . .” He shrugged. “Well, maybe you’re right. And maybe this church just isn’t for me.”

Her eyes widened and her heart felt a slice of pain rip right through it. “You’re just going to leave?”

“Yeah, maybe.”

A chilly breeze brushed against Noelle’s cheeks and sent a shiver through her whole body.

“It’s getting cold out. I’ll meet you over at Bips for that late dinner.”

Turning, he pulled his car keys out from his coat pocket and got in his car. As she walked through the snow to her car on the other side of the parking lot, she prayed earnestly and with an ache in her heart. God, soften that man’s heart.

He knows so much about You, even loves You, but his heart is not filled with Your Divine and Perfect love. Soften him, Lord. No matter what it takes. Amen.

Noelle loved Henry dearly, but her patience with him was growing smaller by the day. She knew she couldn’t wait forever for a man who couldn’t commit. It wasn’t because he didn’t feel something for her. She already knew he did. The half-dozen times he had almost kissed her had confirmed that long ago. There was also the way he looked at her. It made her insides melt and the world feel like a less lonely place. There was no denying that there was a connection beyond friendship between them, but she was trying her best to stay patient while he figured it out.

* *

Arriving at Bips, she ordered her food and brought it over to the booth where Henry was sitting. They prayed over the food and then started to eat.

Sprinkling fries on his burger, Henry carefully placed each fry side by side as she watched.

Noelle broke though the silence. “I got that job at the newspaper.”

Pausing, he peered up at her with raised eyebrows. “Wow, that’s great. Congratulations. When do you start?”

“Monday. I have four days of freedom left.”

“It’s kind of neat how it worked out for you. You lost that job at the nursing home not that long ago, but they gave you enough of a severance to live on for a couple of months.”

“God is good. It’s not typical for that kind of package when a nursing home closes. And I’m literally on my last hundred dollars, so the job came at the absolute perfect time.”

“What did your mum say about it?”

Noelle’s heart flinched at the mention of her mother. She and her mother, Sarah, had maintained a strained relationship ever since her father died in Nigeria in an accident and they had to move to the United States when she was a teenager.

“Henry . . . I didn’t tell her.”

“Oh, come on, Noelle! That’s your mom. She would be happy.”

Tilting her head as the anxiety rose within her, she shook her head. “Hey, I don’t mean to change the subject, but are you really going to leave the church?”

Placing his bun on top of his burger, he respected the shift of conversation and nodded. “I really think I might. I need a change and that’s something very easy to change.”

Her eyes couldn’t help but begin to well with tears. “You can be so selfish sometimes, Henry.”

“What?” He furrowed his eyebrows. “Why?”

“I see you more at church than anywhere else, Henry! And it’s just easy to change?”

“Oh.” He went quiet for a moment. “I didn’t think about that part.”

“Of course, you didn’t. But whatever, Henry. You know, I should expect it by now. Whenever you don’t like something, you run away from it. When you disagree, you make sure someone knows about it.”

He didn’t say anything for a long moment. Then he shrugged. “Sometimes, it’s just time to move on.”

Thinking of how Henry had restarted the search for his mom again a few months ago made Noelle see an irony in his words. “I find that a little ironic.”

“How come?”

Hesitation weighed on her lips and her mind momentarily. She didn’t want to upset him.

What kind of friend am I if I don’t share the truth with him, though? She was emboldened in the moment.

“This search for your biological mom. I mean, I get it. I understood when you did it for two years after turning nineteen. But now? You’re starting it all up again?”

Henry became quiet, even distant as the moment and his words tarried.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything . . .” Touching her forehead, she frowned. “Honestly, I couldn’t imagine not knowing my parents, and I have no right to sit here and judge.”

“Thanks for saying that.” He shrugged. “I won’t try to find her forever, I just feel stuck in my life not knowing who she is.”

“What do you expect to happen if you find her?” Noelle asked.

“I don’t know. I just want to look my mom in the eyes and ask her why. Why did she give up, give me up?” Henry replied.

Sorrow filled her heart to the brim as she could hear the pain in Henry’s tone. Noelle nodded and her voice became quiet. “Yeah, I’m sure you want some answers.”

He picked up his burger. “Yeah. But I worry there’s no answer good enough.”

“Yeah.”

They ate their food and shared quiet between them for the next little while. Then Henry inquired, “How’s your sister doing with the new baby?”

Warmed by his redirection, she smiled. “Good. I was over there the other day for a few hours. West is so cute. He loves to smile and play. I’m pretty sure that’s all he knows how to do at this point. Well, that and nap. He’s a perfect baby.”

Henry smiled. “Babies are cute. How many did you want again? Ten?”

He remembered that? She thought with joy bubbling up within her. “Yes, Ten”

He shook his head. “You’re crazy, Noelle.”

“That’s actually normal in Nigeria.” Noelle chuckled.

“Really?” Henry asked.

“Yes!” Noelle replied.

“Well then, you’re in America not Nigeria.” Henry laughed.

Heart fluttering as her thoughts drifted to marriage, children, and being a stay-at-home mom with a blog someday, she took a sip of her soda. “It’s weird to think, but in a good way, that someday down the road, I’ll be a mom and a wife. I like that. I like imagining my future.”

“I can’t imagine my future without you in it.” Henry stated.

A deep and comforting warmth washed over her whole body. It was moments like this, comments like that, that kept Noelle waiting around for Henry to come to his senses. Waiting, but most importantly, praying that the two of them would soon start a life together. Noelle was still holding onto hope for what tomorrow could bring to her and Henry. She knew he had a good heart, a good soul, and would make a fine father and husband one day. The only thing holding him back was himself.

The two of them continued to eat and sip on their sodas for the next hour as they chatted about anything and everything. Each occasion they spent time together only grew the love in Noelle’s heart deeper and wider. At the same time this love for him grew, sadness did also. Each day chipped away at the hope she had for the two of them being together. Only more recently had chips turned into chunks as he started back up the search for his biological mother.

Henry was the only man she had ever met in her life who made her feel loved, made her feel comfortable, made her feel heard and not so invisible. He never bullied or joked about her being black or Nigerian. He respected her. In a lot of ways, Henry reminded her of her late father who had passed away from an accident when she was thirteen. Her father had also made her feel a little less invisible in the world. He too made her comfortable just by being around. Most of all, though, she sensed a

distance between herself and her father when he was alive since her father was a doctor, much like she did with Henry.

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After their meal, they parted ways from Bips and Noelle headed home to her apartment. As she walked into the apartment, she was greeted by Ruff, her short-hair dog. Frantically jumping up and twirling around, Ruff seemed eager to love on her after not seeing her all day.

Dropping her purse on the coffee table, Noelle sat down on the couch with Ruff. She patted her head.

“You missed me a lot today. Didn’t you?”

Ruff promptly moved from Noelle’s side on the couch and into her lap. Noelle laughed as she patted the top of Ruff’s head again.

“You know what you want, don’t you, Ruff?” Thinking about Henry as she said it, she thought about earlier in the night and how he appeared to want to kiss her out in the parking lot after their meal again. She shook her head. “It’s not right what I’m letting him do to me. I know that . . .”

Setting Ruff aside, she pulled her Bible from underneath the coffee table and began to read.

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.

Psalm 119:105

Stopping, she bowed her eyes and folded her hands. Oh, Lord, let my heart and life be led by Your Word. Help me to seek You in all things, including this situation with Henry.

Wiping the stray tear that became loose, she started to doodle on a scrap piece of paper that was holding her place in Psalms as she continued praying for guidance and wisdom in her life.

She didn’t want to lose their friendship just because of her desire for something more, but at the same time, she knew things weren’t right the way they were. That was beside the fact that she wasn’t getting any younger. She loved him, but she also wanted a life. Kids, husband, maybe even one of those white picket fences. She already had the dog.

After praying, she got up and she went into the kitchen and began to load the dishwasher. As she loaded the few cups from the sink, she had Henry’s own words from earlier that evening surface to the top of her mind. Sometimes, you just have to let go . . . She swallowed as she realized that the thought now wasn’t about his letting go of his mom, but her letting go of him.

Could I really do it, Lord? She wondered and prayed. Fear back-filled quickly into her heart as she contemplated it. She knew God wasn’t a God of fear but of power and of love. Perfect love casts out fear, she reminded herself as she placed a glass into the top rack. Letting her mind think once more about letting Henry go, she grabbed another glass from the sink. She asked herself, Why does this scare me so deeply? Her eyes welled with tears as the answer floated to the top of her thoughts, to the very tip of her heart.

I’m not trusting God with my future.

She dropped the glass in her hand, and it hit the kitchen floor and shattered.

The thought sent rippling waves of pain through her entire being. The concept of not trusting God sounded so foreign to her, but she knew in the depths of her soul that it was true. Life without Henry

could exist, and God would take care of her. She knew it, but she feared going through that door.