A Human’s Guide to Surviving Magical Mishaps

Coming to talk to George was definitely the right choice. Not because he solved all my problems or anything like that, but because after talking to him I feel the biggest sense of relief. Knowing that neither decision is wrong helps. But mostly just the reassurance that my dad wouldn't be disappointed in me. George seems fairly convinced that the main reason he didn't approve of Ashton is because dad was worried about losing me and being left behind. Obviously that isn't really an issue anymore. It's painful to think about it, but George is right. I can't keep planning my life around what would make my dad the happiest or most comfortable anymore. I feel sort of guilty for being so relieved. But the only person I need to worry about is myself, so that's what I'm going to do.novelbin

"George, I should probably go. This isn't the only conversation I need to have today, and after speaking to you I might just be brave enough to get through it all." I tell him. I probably sound a little shaky, I feel shaky, and tired, but at the same time I'm sort of wired. I want to rush home to find Ashton so I can sit him down for a proper conversation. I let George pull me into one last giant bear hug, then I hurry out to the car and make my way back home.

I find Ashton standing in the driveway waiting for me the same way I waited for him the day I realised we had this weird connection between us. He must have felt me coming and came out to meet me. That actually works perfectly because I want a little privacy to talk to him. I pull into the driveway next to him.

"Hey. Get in, I want to talk to you." I demand. Ashton just shrugs and climbs into the passenger seat. I drive down the street a little until I come to a little park with a playground. This will do. I park the car and lead him over to the swings where I take a seat, dragging my feet on the ground as I swing just a little. Ashton sits next to me, he seems nervous.

"What did you want to talk about?" He asks.

"I've decided there is no point waiting until some scheduled time to talk to each other and figure out what we're going to do. I know you were giving me time, and the dad of my dad's funeral doesn't SOUND like a good time for this conversation, but I'm not going to relax until a decision is made, so can we please just talk now and figure this out?" I am practically pleading. Ashton's eyes widen in surprise, but he nods easily.

"Of course we can talk." He answers quickly, then pauses.

"I... I do not know where to start." He admits. I shrug.

"I'll start then. While I was out I went to speak to George, and he reminded me that I'm alone now." Ashton frowns.

"I am sorry." He says sympathetically. Crap, I didn't mean to make it sound like that, I'm not explaining this very well. How am I meant to explain this without sounding like I'm GLAD my dad is gone? Those frustrated tears make a reappearance and before I can say another word Ashton pulls me to my feet and holds me tight against his chest.

"I will not let you be alone." He promises and I just shake my head against him.

"That isn't what I meant. I meant that the only person I need to worry about is me. There is no one here who needs me." I try again. Ashton continues to hold me tightly.

"I know. I am so sorry. I really do understand how it feels to lose your father as you know." He strokes a hand gently down my spine and I lean into him, my tears slowing as his presence relaxes me. He sounds sad now too.

"At least you still have your mother." I remind him. I meant for it to cheer him up a little but he seems to interpret it as me pointing out that I DON'T have a mother anymore because he seems even more upset. Damn it.

"I am glad to still have my mother. I am so sorry that you have lost your family. I am sorry that it is in part due to me. I swear that I will do anything I can to make it up to you somehow. I... I understand if you hate me now. It was my fault." He adds quietly at the end of his speech.

I push away from his chest, pull out of his arms and glare up at him. I don't want him thinking that he's responsible for this. The only ones who should take the blame are the criminals who killed him.

"Don't be an idiot. YOU didn't kill him." I insist. Ashton frowns and shakes his head.

"It is because of me that either of you were in danger in the first place." He reminds me. I roll my eyes at him.

"My dad was a cop and he was doing his job. He knew that it involved risks. It's not your fault that he was involved. No matter who came after them, dad would have been mixed up in it all somehow." I say firmly. "But I should have caught them faster, I should have moved them to the fae realm right away. I should not have wasted so much time." He argues. I scoff and cross my arms over my chest.

"Oh no, because you were just sitting around doing nothing the whole time, right? You were just wasting time when you were grieving your father, or maybe you were wasting time while you were busy saving my life and protecting me. Of course I should hate you after all that." I say sarcastically. I'm not done yet. I really want to understand what's going through his head.

"You already know that I don't hate you. But even if I did, it wouldn't change anything. So I'm going to promise that I don't hate you, and you aren't allowed to blame yourself anymore, because if it's your fault then it's mine too, and dad would never want either of us to blame ourselves." I'm confident about that at least.

"I will try not to blame myself." Ashton answers after a long silence.

"You wanted to talk about the future." he prompts, clearly hoping to change the subject.

"Yes. I said that George pointed out that I'm alone. He meant it in a positive way. I'm not accountable to anyone else, I can decide whatever I want without worrying about messing up someone's life. Well, someone other than you that is. We're pretty much stuck together at this point so that's already a done deal. What I was trying and completely failing to say is that it's something the two of us need to figure out, without worrying about everyone else." I finally explain. Ashton looks confused, I'm not totally sure he understood the point I was trying to make. I don't blame him. I'm not sure I would have understood a word I was saying if I didn't already know what I meant.

"So... What do you want to do then?" Ashton asks. I shrug.

"I don't know. That's why I wanted to talk to you." My heart is racing. This is it, I'm going to ask about his feelings, I'm going to get a solid answer one way or the other. Then I can decide if I want to try to build a life WITH Ashton, or just near him.

"I want to know how you feel about me." My words tumble out and I follow them up by taking a deep breath to stop myself from passing out because apparently I've been forgetting to breathe. Ashton tilts his head to the side and furrows his eyebrows.

"I am confused. You already know how I feel about this issue. I want you to come and stay with me where I can keep you safe properly. It would not be difficult for me to provide for you, my mother already likes you and you would be able to visit your friends here whenever you like. I truly believe it would be the best solution. I really do need to keep you close." He explains. I want to find a brick wall and hit my head against it. That sounds less painful and difficult than this conversation. Is he intentionally misunderstanding me? I asked him how he feels about me and he just told me his opinion on what he wants. Is it really that hard for him to tell me how he actually feels about ME? Is he intentionally avoiding the question or is he just completely dense? Ugh, this is so frustrating. Does he not realise how difficult it was for me to ask that? How much I've been freaking out about it? Then he just... Doesn't NOTICE?